Jan 29, 2015

Snark: Five Texts I Abhor

Most of the time, we enjoy texts from people whom we like.

Most of the time.

But there are some texts that, regardless of who they're from, send me straight into grumpy cat land.

Hey, what are you doing today?

This one is usually from a friend, a guy who likes you, a guy you like, or some random acquaintance with a sudden occasion of concurrent boredom and nostalgia.

Um...mind following that up with what you want to do?

                                 the best of the skeptical 3rd world kid meme

Because I know you're not just asking out of curiosity (and Ms. Manness, if you're reading this, sorry that I started a sentence with a preposition).

Will the follow up question be 'want to go rock climbing this afternoon' or 'want to watch animated Disney movies, bake cookies, and gab?' Or are you going to ask if I want to go all the way up to the UWS to meet for drinks?
hard pass  

Sorry, I have Netflix to watch and socks to iron...

Call me.

AKA the world's most pointless text. Why would you not just call me?

Oh. You probably did and I probably didn't pick up. My bad...


But still, the odds of me responding the way you want (ie: calling you) are slim to none.

Or, at the very least, it will take several hours longer than if you did the decent thing and gave me a little context.
how dare you

Something as simple as 'so I can tell you to clean your room' or 'because the world is ENDING' tacked on the end of the text would suffice.

You'll get a faster response, I'll be happier, we all win.


This can be cute if it's a best friend or a boyfriend or your mom or ridiculously cute little sister. Then it ends up as the opposite of the 'hang up,' 'no, you hang up!' back and forth that we all love don't completely despise.

But if you're that guy I had a pretty fun date with once?

wait what

NO, bad.

What you're doing is initiating a conversation while leaving the burden of actually initiating a conversation to the person you're texting. Not fair.

Have something to say or practice the beauty of silence.

I'm running a few minutes late, I'll be there in fifteen.

Sent ten minutes after the time you arranged to meet. 

This is fine in advance of your meeting time, because things happen, but if you're already ten minutes late and will only be here in fifteen more minutes, you should have been able to tell that you would be late earlier.

Sure, you'll be here in fifteen. I won't. 

Hey Cutie.

From that guy who you still can't figure out how he has your cellphone number. But sure, maybe he just wants to be friendly. We can all use more friends, right?

But my name is Danai. D-A-N-A-I.

Not cutie, sweetheart, angel, dear, sexy, or anything else - I don't know you, you don't have a pet name for me. And I can double check with my parents, if that's really necessary, but I'm pretty sure they didn't accidentally write 'Cutie' on my birth certificate.


There are some people whose names make me wonder if it was a sober birth, but my name is (luckily) not among those. By the way, thanks mom and dad.

What are your text pet peeves?


  1. I completely loathe the "call me" text. Or an unpopular facebook tradition "inbox me". Woah there, if you want to talk then make the move and call ME. That's so absurd.
    Noor's Place

    1. Exactly! At the very least, tell me what you want to talk about, so I can judge urgency.


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