7 Tips for Solo International Travel with an Infant

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My family is scattered across the globe. That's the simplest explanation I can give for why I found myself flying internationally with a four month old infant and no other adult to help.

In ordinary times, having family all over is the best thing ever - having a very diverse family makes the whole world feel so much smaller and closer together. There's always an excuse to explore a different place and having my mom live in a cozy house in the German countryside where there's always a room ready for me and my husband (and now our daughter!) makes it feel like we have a second home.

It's the perfect counterbalance to our fast-paced Manhattan life. Where Manhattan has skyscrapers, my mother's village has trees. Where Manhattan has 24/7 fine dining delivered, my mother's village has a produce garden in her backyard and a couple cute grocery stores in walking distance.

It's great.

But her first grandchild, our daughter, was born (check out her birth story!) during the pandemic. Germany's vaccine efforts are lagging and even though she's over 50 she's still waiting to be vaccinated. 

My husband and I were both fully vaccinated by the start of May and I couldn't wait to introduce our daughter, Emma, to my mom and the rest of the family. So we planned a trip with our infant!

Things rarely go according to plan in life and this trip was the same. My husband ended up being unable to come, Emma ended up having her 4 month vaccines the Monday before our planned Saturday flight, and she was due for her 4 month sleep regression right around our trip weeks.

I considered not going. I considered going for more or less time. I considered not going again. But I wanted to go, so I shortened the trip to just one week from the original two and off we went, just me and my four month old daughter.

And guess what? Traveling solo with an infant surprisingly well!

Emma hates car rides and doesn't have much experience with them, since we live in Manhattan and haven't left our neighborhood much since she was born. It's one of those pandemic pregnancy/early parenthood things! 

The drives to and from the airport were the only time during the entire trip that Emma properly cried. And she bawled, it was heartbreaking! Fortunately we quickly learned that pacifiers would calm her right down during car rides - they're not something we usually use, but traveling (especially solo) with an infant is survival mode. We stuck to our no screens rule, even during the long flights, but pacifiers were something I was okay with giving into just for the duration of the trip.

I scoured the web for anything and everything I could find about traveling with infants or traveling solo with a baby before the trip, so I wanted to put together my own list of tips as a trip post-mortem. 

1. Get your travel documents in order as early as possible.

This is even more the case with pandemic travel, but first passport appointments can be hard to come by. You can't just do it electronically, since it's their very first passport, you have to actually go into the passport office or embassy to do it.

Since Emma is a dual-citizen, she needed both her US passport (to re-enter the US) and her German passport (to enter Germany) in order to travel. We got a US passport appointment without too much trouble, but the German one only came through in the last minute as an emergency appointment, even though we'd been on the waiting list for months already!

I'm sure it's much easier to get appointments when there isn't a whole pandemic going on, but it's still always a good idea to get your documents in order early.

2. Be ridiculously organized.

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My Birth Story

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It's been a while since I last wrote - 1.5 months, in fact.

As tends to happen after being pregnant for eons, I finally went into labor! My contractions began at exactly 41 weeks pregnant. 

From the day after I gave birth!

It was actually 3am on the very night that I was originally scheduled for an induction, just five hours after the induction would have begun! I'm so glad that my husband encouraged me to listen to my gut and give my body a little more time to begin things naturally. 

I'd had an acupressure massage advertised to help induce labor 16 hours before light contractions woke me up, so perhaps that did it or perhaps it was just my time. 

I was able to labor at home for a good while. From 3am until about 7 or 8am when my husband woke up I just labored in bed next to him. I couldn't really sleep, but I wasn't in too much pain and was able to still lie there and rest, as well as get excited about the big adventure ahead of us. 

When he woke up I told him that I was in labor (finally) but that I wanted to go about the day as normally as possible for as long as I could. I figured that would help me with endurance for labor, since first time moms tend to take a while. 

I read, wrote, did a load of laundry, cooked, had lunch, and chatted on WhatsApp with my mom. Around 1pm the contractions were strong enough that I couldn't just ignore them, so I finally engaged my husband to help. 

I think he'd been more anxious all morning than me! He'd taken a few work calls, but had basically paced around the living room waiting for something to happen and looking at me with panic every time that I walked into his sightline. It was pretty amusing!

After hours of that, he was pretty relieved when I finally said that I needed his help and we were getting into the more serious part of labor. I think having something to do made him feel calmer!

We hung out on the couch and he did counterpressure compressions on my lower back whenever a contraction struck. We developed a pretty efficient system - when I felt a contraction coming on, I'd slide off of the couch and drop onto all fours. Then he'd jump up and press on my lower back. I don't know the physiology of why counterpressure is so good, but it took my pain down by a factor of five and made contractions totally manageable!

We watched the last few episodes of season 2 of Big Little Lies. Then we started Inside Out. Inside Out is my favorite movie and it was so, so perfect to watch as contractions started really amping up.

I'd wanted to labor at home for as long as possible, but our doula was 1.5 hours away in Long Island when I started feeling rectal pressure. Since that could be an indication that it would be time to push soon, she counseled us that we needed to go to the hospital ASAP. 

My contractions had also really amped up in intensity and frequency, so that I could no longer talk through them and they were coming every two to three minutes. We called the hospital and they agreed with my doula, advising me to head over right away. 

But we were only a third of the way through Inside Out, if that! Sadly, we never got to watch the rest of it. 

My husband gathered our things up quickly, put them on a trolley to bring downstairs, hailed an Uber, and off we went!

We're only about five to ten minutes by car from the hospital, depending on traffic, but it felt much longer than that since the car limited my mobility and my husband's ability to effectively relieve the pain of my contractions via counterpressure.

When we arrived at the hospital they waved us through security really quickly, not making us stand in line. It was about 6:30 or 7 the evening at this point and super clear to see that I was in labor! 

Unfortunately things got a little less ideal from there. Shift change for the delivery nurses was 7:30pm, so they were about to meet for their huddle as we arrived. My husband and I were separated when I went into triage, due to covid, and I ended up being back there alone for about 45 minutes, due to the shift change huddle. 

Handling contractions without my husband was so hard! It was particularly difficult because I had to stay lying on my back in order for the heart rate monitor for the baby to read clearly and consistently. That was a huge bummer because lying on my back made the pain way, way worse than when I could stand, lean over, sway, or be on all fours. I tried to find a more comfortable position several times, but every time a nurse would hurry over to chide me. 

When they finally checked me, it turned out that I wasn't close to pushing yet. I wasn't anywhere near dilated enough, just about 4cm, and the rectal pressure was just because the baby was already very low, 0 station. 

I was offered the option to head home for a little longer, since we lived so close, but decided against it. I didn't want to deal with schlepping our stuff back and forth while in labor and didn't want to have to get back in a car either. At that point in labor, I just wanted to stay where I was. 

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Things I thought Were Labor That Weren't

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I'm now just two days shy of my due date and I've been eagerly reading signs of labor into every little thing since before Christmas. 

The holiday season came. The holiday season went. Our baby remains snug as a bug in a rug in my tum.

What's a first time mom-to-be to do once she's full term and still nothing is happening down there? 

Be grateful for the increasing distance from holiday spread? We had over 6,000 new cases of the covid-19 in NYC on January 2 alone. 

Enjoy these last days of twosomeness with her husband?

Find ways to be productive that future her will appreciate? They say you can never prepare too many freezer meals when you have a newborn on the way.

But of course not. Instead, I did/am doing what any impatient woman would: looking for signs that aren't there. 

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Lately: The Final Days of Pregnancy

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I passed 37 weeks last week, so I'm now officially full term and our little one could come at any moment! Or not for another several weeks.

That's absolutely bizarre, isn't it? 

There's no other time in life when you're told, "hey, sometime in the next minute to four weeks you'll run a marathon, undergo perhaps the most significant medical event of your life, start a new job, and get a high-needs roommate whom you'll be solely responsible for keeping alive." 

The very idea is ridiculous. But in pregnancy it's totally normal!

As I try not to go mad with the uncertainty of it all, here are some things that I've been occupying my time with lately.

Bouncing on a birthing ball

Bouncing on a yoga/birthing ball is said to help the baby drop into position for labor. I'm pretty sure our little girl is still relatively high, because I still feel her tiny feet way up there in my bump sometimes and I also haven't visibly seen any changes in the position of my bump. 

Who knows if it'll work, but it's worth a try! I'm also trying out a few other ways to naturally encourage labor, because both my husband and I were quite late, as were our siblings, and I'm hoping not to still be pregnant in mid-January!

Finding go-to recipes

When I was younger my mom said that the hardest part of cooking for a family was deciding what to cook, day after day. At the time that didn't really make sense to me, but now it does! 

Especially in those first days/weeks after we've brought our little girl home from the hospital, I imagine the mental bandwidth to come up with creative, healthy, and delicious meals just won't be there. 

Identifying go-to recipes now could come in handy! Pictured above is Food52's baked tofu with coconut kale. It's a tasty vegan dinner that even my carnivore husband (neither of us is vegan, but I'm pescatarian) loves!

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How to Introduce Your Newborn to Friends and Family During a Pandemic

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 A pandemic pregnancy has some unique challenges, as moms due in 2020 and 2021 realized soon after getting that first Big Fat Positive. And they definitely don't stop when the pregnancy is over.

Babies are special. A baby's birth is often an occasion that brings family and friends together, both to celebrate the baby and to support the new parents through the challenging fourth trimester.

After a year that was full of hardships for many, people are looking for something positive to focus on more than ever. A new baby's birth can be just that!

BUT -

There's always a but, isn't there?

But a newborn baby has a very weak immune system and is incredibly vulnerable. 

Even in normal times, those who are around the baby should have up-to-date flu and TDAP (tetanus, diptheria, and pertussis) vaccines, because a newborn is too young to get those vaccines him-/herself and catching the flu or the whooping cough can be life-threatening for an infant.

This year and into at least early 2021 new parents must insist on those precautions against the usual threats to newborns in addition to protecting our babies from a new threat, covid-19. 

In the United States we're now up to over 3,000 deaths a day on some days and in New York City alone we've had days with over 4,000 new infections - in just one day. Irrespective of a new parent's political bent, this is undeniably serious.

So how do we do it? How do we balance our needs to protect our babies with the expectations of our loved ones? 

New grandparents, especially first time grandparents, aren't always thrilled to hear that they'll have to wait months or longer to meet their grandchildren for the first time. In (virtual) mother's group, the most common concern that comes up is how to keep the little ones safe without disappointing friends and family.

This may not be a popular opinion, but I stand by it: our duty is to our babies first and foremost. They're too little to protect themselves, so they're depending on us to protect them. 

Does disappointing friends and family suck? Of course. We'd love to have our babies meet our social circles soon, too! We'd love to have support getting through those trying newborn days, too! 

But our babies' health and wellbeing comes first. If loved ones don't understand why they have to wait for in-person baby viewings, frame it in terms of baby's safety. They'll come around eventually (even if it takes a while).

In the interim, there are ways to introduce your newborn to friends and family without putting the baby at risk. 

Video Calls

Zoom, Facetime, WhatsApp, Google Hangouts - whatever your platform of choice, we've all become experts at video calls over the past year. 

Video calls are a great way to safely introduce a new baby to friends and family! No one can touch the baby and no one is breathing on the baby, so it's perfectly safe. 

At the same time, it's a lot more personal and interactive an introduction than simply sending a birth announcement with a photo of the newborn.

Grandparents can talk to the baby and s/he can learn their voices, friends can make faces at the baby, and everyone can delight in hearing the baby's first coos.

Video calls are also super convenient for new parents (as long as there's some scheduling flexibility). 

You don't have to go anywhere and you don't have to host. There's no need to worry about tidying up for guests or making sure the diaper bag is packed. And when the baby gest fussy, you can just sign off until next time!

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Stay Calm: Odd Things that are Normal During Pregnancy

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 Dr. Google is a first time mom's best frenemy during pregnancy.

It's so easy to freak out about every little thing, especially during that high risk first trimester, but all that worry isn't good for anyone. Every little twinge feels like it's an impending miscarriage and even the absence of discomfort can be troubling. Stay calm! 

Here are some things that are perfectly normal during pregnancy.

1. Absence of symptoms.

I didn't know I was pregnant until the late first trimester, around 8 weeks, because super clear symptoms (debilitating morning sickness and fatigue) didn't start until around 7 weeks for me. 

I missed my period before that, had some achiness in my breasts and mild lower back pain, but none of these symptoms were clear or strong enough for me to really think anything was wrong.

For women who are actively trying to conceive and possibly testing even before their missed period, they may know they are pregnant a full month before experiencing any pregnancy symptoms. That doesn't mean that the pregnancy isn't viable, just that symptoms take some time to show up!

2. "Period" cramps.

I had really sharp cramps several times in the late first trimester. They were so painful, I was sure that I must be miscarrying.

I wasn't. The baby was totally fine and the pregnancy completely viable.

Cramps in the first trimester can be perfectly normal, even when they really hurt. There's a lot of growth and shifting around that's happening in there at that time, including growing an entire new organ (the placenta)! 

3. Lightening crotch.

This pregnancy symptom is pretty much exactly what it sounds like and it's not fun. I freaked out about every little pain in my early pregnancy, because I wasn't aware that pregnancy is often uncomfortable beyond just nausea, fatigue, and eventually the weight of a giant bump. 

But it is! Pregnancy is hard, but that can be normal and nothing to worry about.

4. Spotting.

July 3 at around 1:30pm I saw a spot of bright red blood in my underwear. All these months later, I still remember how the icy fear gripped me the moment I saw it. I couldn't move. I was sure that this was it, the beginning of the end.

I told my husband and he comforted me, assuring me that everything would be okay no matter what happened. We watched a tv show, I can't remember which one, and while I couldn't focus on a thing that was going on on the screen just having the distraction and his arm around me helped. 

A few hours later, the light spotting had stopped. It turned out it was due to mild cervical irritation, which can happen for any reason from exercise to sex, and our baby was never in danger. It also turned out that a lot of women experience spotting at some point during their pregnancy.

It's always good to check with your doctor when you see blood during pregnancy. That's what they're there for. But while you definitely should let your doctor know, you don't need to immediately panic. Spotting is quite common during early pregnancy.

5. Not feeling kicks until 20+ weeks. 

I felt my first clear, defined kicks at about 20+3 mid-flight. Maybe she's a little traveler already! 

While second and third time moms may feel kicks earlier, it's not uncommon for first time moms not to feel kicks until 20 weeks or later into the pregnancy.

 

If you have an anterior placenta, it may take until the late second trimester to feel anything. Don't worry - as long as everything else looks good at your doctor's appointments and on your scans, your little one will soon be kicking up a storm.

6. Gaining weight nonlinearly. 

While week-by-week pregnancy weight gain recommendations suggest that pregnancy weight gain follows more or less linear patterns, that couldn't be further from the truth for most women. 

An S-shaped curve is much more common for weight gain, with slow gain (sometimes even a little loss) in the first trimester, more rapid gain in the second trimester, and gain leveling off in the third trimester. 

Some weeks you may gain four pounds in a week and some weeks you might gain nothing at all. 

Some people stop gaining entirely at the end of the third trimester and may even lose a pound or two, while others may see the pounds pack on as baby starts building his/her fat stores.

Some people gain neatly within the 25-35 pounds recommended for a single (not twin) pregnancy and a normal starting BMI, while others may gain less than or more than that range. Don't worry - as long as you're being mindful of your health, eating when hungry and to satiety, and eating mostly nutritious food (with some cravings thrown in, if you have them), our body will do what it needs to do, whether that's gain 27 pounds or 52. 

All of these things are fine. 

One thing to keep an eye out for is very rapid gains in a short period of time. Particularly in the third trimester, gaining 5+ pounds in a week can be a warning sign for preeclampsia. Let your doctor know! They'll likely check your blood pressure and check your urine for protein, to make sure that your rapid gain isn't signaling something more serious.

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5 Ways to Have a Safe, Healthy, and Fun Pandemic Christmas!

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 Happy December! 

I can't believe that it's already December, but I'm thrilled that it is. Traditionally, December 1 has always been the start of the Christmas holidays for me. I let myself decorate, listen to all the Christmas music, and watch nothing but Christmas movies all month long!

This year, the holidays will look a little different than usual. We're still in the midst of a pandemic and facing a "surge superimposed upon the surge we're already in," in the words of Dr. Fauci. Yikes. 

By staying home and not gathering with our loved ones this year, we ensure that we'll all be around to enjoy many future holidays together. That's a worthy trade. 

Still, we don't have to give up on this holiday season all together! There are ways to have festive fun without exposing anyone. Here are a few ideas.

Spread cheer, not covid!

1. Dress up anyway.

Sparkly makeup, festive fashions, cute hair - whether I'm heavily pregnant or already a new mom this Christmas, I plan to dress up to stay in! 

Sure, we usually get dressed up for a reason - to go to a party or church, to look nice for friends or family. This year, staying home is how we show other people how much we value them. 

But we don't have to miss out on the special holiday styles, just because we're home with our immediate families. Let's dress up for ourselves!

Let's be real. Dressing up is at least as fun as the actual going-out part anyway. 

Since my only two possible circumstances over Christmas are either being heavily pregnant or being the new mother of a tiny, needy newborn, I'd realistically probably only have energy for the dressing up part even if there wasn't a pandemic on.

2. Host a virtual games night. 

Go old school with classics like 'Never Have I Ever' and 'Truth or Dare,' or go modern with crowd-favorites like Fibbage on Jackbox.tv. Invite some friends and enjoy! 

My husband and I have had several virtual games nights over the course of the pandemic and it's a great way to stay connected with friends and have a social 'outing' without endangering anyone. 

Pour a nice glass of wine, or sparkling cider in a fancy stemmed glass for my fellow preggos, and enjoy! 

We've found that the ideal size for a virtual games night is 4 to 6 people. More than that can be a little tough over Zoom with the sound lags, connection speeds, and just generally overcrowding.

3. Have a cookie baking, dancing, and Christmas music party for two.

Or three, or four, or however many people are in your household. 

Blasting your favorite Christmas tunes, dancing goofily around, and baking up a batch of your favorite Christmas cookies is a great way to fill your hearts with merry and glee!

Singing along, on- or off-key, is highly encouraged.

In our household, we're a big fan of the classic chocolate chip cookie - soft and doughy onside, lightly crispy outside.

Here's my favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe! 

My husband doesn't like nuts in his cookies (he's wonderful, but has questionable taste as far as nuts go - I think nuts are delicious!) so we'll make some with and some without added walnuts!

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Third Trimester Symptoms

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I'm 34 weeks pregnant! 

Just saying (or writing) that still feels so strange. It feels like I've been pregnant forever, but it also feels like just yesterday that I was staring at my first positive pregnancy test in utter disbelief. 

And yet next week is already December?! 

How did that happen? 

I'm always super excited for December, because Christmas is by far my favorite time of year, but this year the arrival of the holiday season is weightier than usual. 

My 36 week scan is the second week of December and by Christmas our baby could really arrive any time!

I'm looking forward to watching cozy Christmas movies with my husband, playing Christmas music around the clock, and maybe doing some Christmas cookie baking if I haven't totally succumbed to third trimester fatigue yet.

I've been pretty lucky as far as third trimester symptoms go. While the first trimester was pretty rough with morning sickness, I've been feeling pretty great all second and third trimester! 

I have only slightly lower energy than usual during the day, but I wear out a lot faster. It's not at all unheard of for me to fall asleep at 8 or 9pm, much to my husband's dismay! He has to stay up alone and cuddle with the cats until it's a reasonable hour for an adult to go to sleep. 

I also still have some trouble concentrating on non-baby things, which could be due to my anemia or could just be the excitement of becoming a first time mom making me completely preoccupied with all things baby and pregnancy. 

Speaking of anemia, I've been on iron supplements since my first prenatal appointment, when they discovered that I'm a little low on iron. The supplements have helped keep my anemia in the moderate range even as my body and the baby have been demanding more and more iron. Now at 34 weeks I've hit the peak volume of blood I'll ever have in my body - 40% more than what it is when I'm not pregnant!

The drawback of iron supplements is that they're not too kind to my digestive system. It's nothing compared to first trimester nausea, but I do struggle with indigestion most evenings. All the more reason to go to bed early and speed the arrival of the next morning! Mornings are my best time.

One thing pregnant ladies wonder a lot about is the glow. 

It's completely understandable, in my opinion! 

Most pregnancy symptoms are more of a struggle. 

You're bloated. You're tired. You're nauseous. You're gassy. You waddle. You cry at the silliest things. You have ridiculous cravings. None of your normal clothes fit anymore. Your fingers might even swell up, so you can't wear your wedding ring anymore. The list goes on. 

So if there's a pregnancy symptom that's positive - hey, we're all for it!

My skin has always been my most complimented feature, so I was curious what pregnancy would do to it. 

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Preparing for the Baby's Arrival

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I just had my 33 week checkup, which means my next checkup will already be the 36 week checkup. That's the start of the ninth month of pregnancy, things are getting so real! 

I don't know if it's just me, but this year has been absolutely flying by. In a lot of ways I feel like I just found out that I was pregnant and here I am, already coming to the end of the journey. This is one end that will definitely be a new beginning!                                                                                                                    At my 36 week appointment I'll be tested for group B strep bacteria (mothers who test positive receive antibiotics during labor to avoid infecting the baby) and I'll also have an ultrasound to check on her growth and position. At that point it's also anyone's guess how things progress - plenty of people end up scheduling an induction after that appointment, or being told that their cervix is already dilating!                                                                                        Knowing that my 36 week checkup is on the horizon, I've begun preparing for our little one's arrival.                                                                                     I washed all her tiny little outfits with a scent-free baby laundry detergent, as well as her burp cloths, bibs, receiving blankets, and the covers of my breastfeeding pillow and her baby lounger. Pretty much everything that will come in direct contact with her skin and is washable has been washed.

I've assembled what can be assembled and enlisted my husband's help to set up her pink noise machine and baby monitor. We're still waiting for a few things to be delivered - our stroller, car seat, diaper bag, and nursery glider - but we have most of it.                                                               I plan to sterilize the baby bottles, pacifiers, and pump parts this weekend. I'll also need to clear a kitchen cupboard to store everything for easy access.                                                               I've slowly started packing my hospital bag. I'm trying to limit myself to a single rolling duffle pack and I'm stuffing it with a comfy robe, my postpartum kit, shower flip flops, toiletries, a TENS machine (who knows if I'll end up using it, but I've read that it can be helpful for pain relief), an external battery to keep my phone charged even if labor drags on, and more. This bag will have to pull a Mary Poppins-esque feat off!

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Strategies for Natural Induction

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Since hitting 8 months of pregnancy earlier this week (whoot!) I've been thinking more and more about the fact that there's a decent chance I'll have a baby in my arms next month. I'm torn between not feeling quite ready yet, and being quite excited to finish pregnancy and begin the next adventure.

Babies come when they want, so of course I know this is wishful thinking, but my ideal day for her to come would be New Year's Eve. 

With third trimester fatigue, which has been sending me to bed by 9 or 10pm most nights, being actively in labor is the only way I'll manage to stay up until midnight! She'll also be 39 weeks at that point, which is fully cooked.

But... both my husband and I were late, as were all of our siblings. Looking at familial history, it seems that I have a decent shot of going until 41+ weeks if I just go with the flow. 

My husband was so comfy in-utero that his mother had to be medically induced to have him at all! If possible, I'd like to avoid that. 

For starters, I'd prefer she comes a week early to a week late. I'm ready to be the sole occupant of my body again!

On top of that, induction via pitocin can trigger stronger contractions than you'd otherwise having, making it more difficult to avoid an epidural and the intervention cascade. 

While I understand that every labor is unique and things will likely change on the day, my ideal birth plan is a medication-free vaginal delivery.

Around 38 weeks (but not on Christmas Eve/Christmas!) I'll begin trying some natural induction strategies. 

Some of the strategies I'm going to share (and try) have more scientific research backing them than others - for example, both eating 6+ dates daily and drinking raspberry leaf tea are associated with shorter, "easier" labors, and have been shown in multiple studies to help with cervical ripening. 

Other things, like bouncing on a ball or walking up stairs sideways, don't have the same backing and are more folklore. I'll try it all to get this baby out a little early or on time!

Eating 6+ dates daily

I'm a big fan of dates, so I see no reason not to do this one. Especially because it's one of the few labor kick-starting strategies with a solid amount of scientific research backing it up!

While the research does not, unfortunately, support that eating dates induces labor, they do find that regular date consumers have significantly shorter labors, due to a shortening of the first stage of labor. 

To have an effect, you'll need to eat at least 6 dates every day for the last 4-6 weeks of your pregnancy. 

I've already been enjoying dates here and there, just because I like them, but starting at 34 weeks on the dot (that's in less than two weeks!) I'll start making sure to get them in every day. 

Some of my favorite ways to eat dates are with a nut butter (usually almond butter or peanut butter, as those are the ones we have in the house), stuffed with nuts (peanuts or walnuts), stuffed with dark chocolate, or chopped over Greek yogurt. 

If you're not a big fan of dates, you can try hiding them in smoothies (bonus: they'll naturally sweeten the smoothie), wrapping them in bacon, stuffing them with cream cheese, or eating date-rich bars like Lara bars. 

Drinking raspberry leaf tea

I've heard raspberry leaf tea's effects likened to a workout for your uterus. It helps with uterine tone, and having a 'fitter' uterus can help make contractions more effective!

Plus it actually tastes really good, especially lightly sweetened with honey or stevia. I've been enjoying a nice cuppa' since right around the beginning of the third trimester, but usually stick to just a cup of tea a day.

When it gets closer to the big day, I'll try to scale up to a more targeted 2-3 cups every single day. We'll see if it helps!

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Dressing the Bump!

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For just about as long as it was at all possible, I resisted making the switch to all maternity clothes, all the time. 

Here's me at 24 weeks, wearing my loosest pre-pregnancy shorts and trying to pretend that my sweater isn't threatening to expose the bottom of my belly any moment:

I was super resistant to maternity wear for a few reasons. 

We're only having one child, so I would feel silly spending a lot of money on maternity clothes. I'll only wear them for a few months and then never again. 

On top of that, I wasn't really finding too many styles that I even wanted to buy. A lot of the pieces looked super matronly and while I'm not exactly a spring chicken at 27 years old, I'm also not ready to trade in cute clothes for muumuus. I think you can be 67 years old and still too young to give up on cute fashion!

My bump didn't truly pop until probably around 24 weeks, so I could get away with sticking to the looser clothes in my pre-pregnancy wardrobe for a while. Once the bump bumped, though, that didn't really work anymore.

I got a little extra wear out of some basic (and stretchy waistband) pieces, like leggings, by pairing them with maternity shirts. Here's me at 26 weeks in pre-pregnancy leggings plus a H&M Maternity t-shirt that I bought when I was in Germany this summer.

But our baby is a 79th growth percentile chonker and even that wasn't going to hold me over all the way through the end of this pregnancy. I had to give in and order a maternity wardrobe. Fortunately, a few people recommended Shein to me.

This is not a sponsored post, but I'll share anyway that I was thrilled to find Shein's maternity section. Shein is definitely the definition of fast fashion - it's cheap, made in China, and designs are more trendy than classic. These aren't clothes you're going to be holding on to for years.

But pregnancy is exactly the use case for fast fashion, especially if you're one-and-done! I only need my maternity wardrobe to last a season or two, so it's fine if the clothes fall apart after that. 

For the price point (super cheap - I got 8 pieces for around $120) I was worried that the clothes wouldn't be comfortable. I was really pleasantly surprised to find that they are comfortable and so much softer than I expected! They're also true-to-size, which is a relief when ordering from a new-to-me online retailer.

Here's me at 27 weeks, wearing a Shein look that cost only $24 for the entire outfit:

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Perks of Being Pregnant During a Pandemic

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There are plenty of cons to having a baby during a pandemic, so I decided to take a little time to write a post with the silver linings of being pregnant right now!

More time with my husband.

My husband has been working from home since late March and will be doing so until next spring at the earliest. He's my favorite person in the world, so it's been wonderful to have all this time together. We both do our own thing for most of the day on workdays, but it's really nice to have access to him always, for a quick hug or to say hi or to pet our cats together.

When he's at the office his company's chefs prepare lunch for everyone on the team. At home he doesn't have that perk, so it's been fun trying a bunch of different lunch recipes out on him over the past half a year! At this point, we've gotten into a routine with dishes that he really likes and I make for him regularly, but it's always a lot of fun to try out something new. 

Pictured is a massaged kale salad with maple salmon that was a hit the other day! Cooking two meals a day most days has also been great practice and I feel like my cooking skills have improved. I've also noticed I'm a lot more comfortable cooking off-recipe, altering recipes, making up my own recipes, and cooking while juggling other tasks. That multitasking ability is going to be super helpful when the little one is here, especially because we want her to mostly eat healthy, homecooked meals.

Reduced wait times at doctor's offices.

Doctors are important and especially so when you're pregnant. That said, there are so many doctor's appointments when you're expecting! I've already been to the doctor's office more often in my pregnancy thus far (at 22 weeks + 5 days) than in my entire adult life leading up to now. 

Due to the pandemic and wanting to reduce the risk of in-office transmission, doctor's offices have been much better than usual about scheduling appointments to minimize waiting time. I've been seen within 5 minutes of checking in for almost every one of my appointments so far! Being able to get in and out fairly quickly is so appreciated. It makes all the appointments feel more manageable, and less like a part-time job.

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Surviving the First Trimester

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I'm halfway through the second trimester at this point and the memory of my rough first trimester is already fading. 

Funny how that works! When I was going through it I couldn't understand how anyone could voluntarily have a second pregnancy after experiencing that once. But queasy memories fade and excitement takes over (see below, me at 21 weeks pregnant now!).

During my first trimester reading other expectant moms' experiences was one of my favorite ways to make it through the day. So here's a little recap of my first trimester experience, along with what made it a little more tolerable for me!

I only found out that I was pregnant at 7 weeks + 2 days, a week after the really rough morning sickness kicked in, but looking back I can spot quite a few symptoms that I wrote off as nothing at the time.

Being very hungry. Sleeping more and more soundly than usual. Thirst. Sore breasts. Reduced heat tolerance. Occasional queasiness. All of that went on for a solid month before the horrid morning sickness kicked in. Here are a few things that helped me make it through the two weeks of peak morning sickness and the touch-and-go two weeks after that.

Sea bands.

My big sister actually used these on a cruise a few years back to ward off motion sickness. Funnily enough, they also work for morning sickness! In those early weeks I wore them almost 24/7, taking them off only to shower and to switch out bands, and while they helped prevent the morning sickness from getting too bad. 

That said, they're definitely more preventative than remediative. They're good for preventing the nausea from getting too bad, but when it's already really bad they aren't going to do much to make it go away (in my experience, at least).

Even now into the second trimester I'm more sensitive to driving in a car than usual and like to keep a pair of sea bands in my handbag, in case I have to take an Uber anywhere. Better safe than sorry!

Ginger candies, ginger tea, ginger ale. 

Ginger people ginger chews and hard candies taste pretty good and can be really helpful for taking the edge off of nausea. I kept bags on various surfaces all around the apartment, so they were never too far out of reach when I needed them. That was really important, because the first trimester combination of incomparable fatigue and debilitating nausea was enough to keep me couch-bound for days on an end at a time! Sometimes it felt like I really couldn't get up, even if I wanted to.

Ginger ale helped a little for a day or two, but then the carbonation was too much for me and the liquid sweetness turned my stomach. I'm keeping it on this list because I've heard from others that it worked for them! Ginger tea, boiled and then cooled down to room temperature, was much better for me and I was able to use it to stay hydrated when even water made me feel ill.

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Becoming Parents, Staying Partners

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My husband is the best. He's kind, he's smart, he's caring, he's thoughtful, he's funny, he's the world's greatest cuddler, and he's the only person I've ever met who I never tire of. 

I've been in love before, but it wasn't anything close to this. This accepting, exciting, warm, safe, head over heels love sans insecurities or incompatibilities is seriously so far beyond my wildest dreams that I wonder sometimes if I'm going to wake up and realize that the past two years have been some sort of far-fetched coma dream. If I did, I think I'd still be grateful for the time.

As those of you who've been reading my blog for a while know, my husband and I are (surprise!) expecting a child together in this upcoming January. Eep! I'm so excited and so, so happy. There is no one I would rather be moving into this next phase of life, parenthood, with.

Still, the first phase of our life together with just the two of us has been so wonderful that I very much hope we bring a lot of that into the next phase with us. And so I'm setting some goals for myself and my relationship, because having a solid framework to come back to helps me stay on target. 

A researcher by both nature and nurture (I'm the child of a professor and a librarian), I've been soaking up all that I can about relationship management through the first-time-parents transition. I've been reading all the books I can get my hands on and listening to all the podcasts I can download for my morning strolls. 

Something that keeps coming up is appreciation. It's not that couples want to start taking each other for granted, but time pressures, stress, and plain old human acclimatization make it the default path if you don't actively, consciously work to avoid it.

Goal 1: Take a few minutes every day to feel gratitude for my husband and our relationship. 

Life gets busy and that'll be even more true with a newborn, but I can always find two or three minutes for my priorities. Our relationship is a priority. 

Today, I am grateful for how understanding my husband is. 

I am grateful for how he's been there for me through my very rough first trimester and the morning (all day) sickness that I still occasionally struggle with. 

I am grateful for how generous he is, always offering to take off time from work to bring me to my obstetrician appointments without me asking even though he isn't allowed into the appointments themselves and has to wait patiently outside (gosh darn covid-19). 

I am grateful for how safe he makes me feel in his arms, how he can always make me smile, how he smells like heaven on earth, and how much he cares about me.

Today, tomorrow, and for all the rest of my days, I am grateful for the wonderful, inspiring person that my husband is.

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Exploring Conscious Parenting

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I'm an information sponge. Especially when I encounter a new topic or face an unfamiliar situation, I get obsessed with reading everything and anything that I can to inform myself. 

I've been reading research papers around all things gestation and early childhood development (thank you, PubMed and assorted online journal collections), listening to parenting and pregnancy podcasts on my morning strolls, and reading parenting books. Our daughter isn't even here yet and I'm already obsessed with her! 

I hope to be an intentional parent and I want that to start in pregnancy. I want the environment that I create for her in my body to be what I've intentionally decided I want for her. 

That's not to say I'm the perfect pillar of a healthy lifestyle - I'm far from it, pregnancy hunger is unreal. But our daughter's cells are undergoing rapid replication and division right now, so it's important for me to at least try to promote healthy development with plenty of nutritious food!

I've also been more aware of choices I make around physical activity. A recent study tracked the activity levels of babies who had mothers with more or less active pregnancies. Surprisingly, the results showed a statistically significant correlation between the mother's prenatal activity levels and her child's activity levels! 

It would be difficult to extrapolate from those results to what having a fit pregnancy means for your child's lifelong fitness and athletic achievements, because behavior is always incredibly complicated and many factors go into it. Still, any little thing than I can do now in these nine months to set her up for a healthy, happy life is something I want to try to do!

That said, I'm not going on hard runs or joining Crossfit. I'm very much feeling the reduced cardiovascular fitness of pregnancy. But regular walks, prenatal yoga, etc. are all great! Baby's heartrate rises when my heartrate rises and when I get cardio fitness benefits from being active, she gets those benefits as well! I'm being active for two, what's better motivation than that?

I could keep going for a solid 10,000 words more about my thoughts and research, but no one wants to read that so we'll stop there. On to parenting - spending more time in nature these past days has really made me think about the childhood I want to create for my daughter.

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Recipe Roundup - Weekday Lunch Ideas!

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My husband has been working from home since the last week of March and it's been so nice to have so much time together, especially now that we're expecting a baby in January. Luckily for me, he'll probably be home with me until spring 2021 at the earliest! While I'm not sure how much of a true paternity leave he'll decide to take, just having him around all the time is so wonderful. 

I love to cook and bake and make things, especially for the people I love. He's not a breakfast eater, but since he's been home for the past four or so months I've been having a lot of fun cooking his lunches and dinners! 

Especially in the first month or two, I had a blast trying out recipes from Food52. Interspersed through this post (plus a bunch a the end) are some of the highlights!

In the last while, between the busy-ness of being new parents-to-be (I have never had so many doctors appointments or such a frequency of phone calls in my life) and simply running out of recipes that sound like his kind of food, I've been repeating meals for the most part.

Help me break out of the rut, please!
He's not much of a carbs person and doesn't eat breakfast, so I'm just looking for meat/fish and vegetable heavy recipes.

As you can see, these photos are all pulled from my Instagram stories. I'm pretty active in stories, so if you want to follow along with my adventures live, culinary, pregnancy, and otherwise, follow me @danainygard !

Do you have any recipes or recipe sites to share with me?

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Baby Prep Update: Night Nurse!

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We hired a night nurse! 

I'm 15 weeks pregnant now and so relieved to start checking things off of our to-do list. I can't believe I'm already in my second trimester! There's so much to read, learn, and prepare before our little alien's arrival and I just know the time is going to fly.

We ended up hiring our night nurse through the Frances Stewart Agency (note: no one I shout out in this post is compensating me in any way for it, I'm just trying to leave helpful links for other moms-to-be and moms out there). A friend recommended them to us and we liked that they have a long record of great placements. We also liked having the extra insurance that if something does go wrong with the particular night nurse we hire (like she's suddenly unavailable, gets sick, etc.) they'll help us find a suitable replacement and we won't be left scrambling by ourselves.

When considering the pros and cons of hiring a night nurse, these were our thoughts. 

Night Nurse Disadvantages

First, the big con - it's just one more unfamiliar person in the house. I'm the sort who gets uncomfortable when the housekeeper is in, because there's a stranger in my home and it's not just family, so having someone who's there every single day (well, night) for months and months isn't something I'm too excited about. On the other hand, she's going to be a huge  help and we're going to need it.

Night Nurse Advantages

My husband has a stressful job and while I won't be going back to work full time after birth, I do plan to continue acting and writing. To manage those pursuits while trying to keep our (super fresh, we're newlyweds) marital bliss, we'll need to be well rested. I wanted someone to help me out at night, because I know my husband is going to need his sleep and won't be able to be a big help on weekdays/-nights. 

Another big pro for us was that our night nurse will help with sleep training. We're first time parents, so having someone who's been around the block a few times (or rather, been sleep training babies for the past 20+ years) will be really helpful. She'll come meet us at our place from the very first night that we bring our little alien home from the hospital and help us out for the next 4-6 months, though she anticipates that sleep training should be pretty much completed around the end of month 3. 

Questions to Ask Night Nurse Applicants

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Local Travel During Covid19 - A Weekend Away!

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I love traveling. Not being able to travel much at the moment, due to the pandemic, is one of my biggest not-actually-all-that-important complaints. 

My husband and I originally wanted to celebrate being newlyweds with ten days in Hawaii, but those plans are on hold until next year at the earliest. Boo. So we decided to take a little trip locally!

Where: Montauk (specifically Gurney's Montauk Resort and Seawater Spa)
How: Car service there and back (ca. 3.5 hour drive each way)
When: A 4 day weekend

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A Year of Improbabiilties: My Pregnancy Journey Begins

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Hello again! It's been a few years and a lot has changed. For starters...

I couldn't believe it when I first found out, for a number of reasons.

I'm 27 years old with premature ovarian depletion. I tried to freeze eggs last year, but after a series of tests and re-tests I was told that I was an unlikely candidate for successful egg freezing. My eggs, while young and healthy, were too few. I'd need several rounds to get the ten eggs required for a good shot at one live birth.

I passed, deciding to make myself come to peace with the idea of never being a mother. I'd never felt particularly fertile, if that makes sense, and if I couldn't be a mom myself I could always be a super-invested aunt.

On top of that, my husband had a vasectomy before we met. He'd frozen eggs to preserve the possibility of future children, but that would mean only children through IVF. No surprise babies for us.

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